I’ve written and rewritten this piece approximately a million times. I’ve changed tact multiple times. I’ve written paragraphs and deleted paragraphs. I think I might have bloggers fatigue… I’m not a hundred percent sure that’s a thing but I’ve definitely got it.
I want to go out into the world and cause a ripple or even better a tidal wave. I want to know that I’m making a difference and making a lasting impact on peoples lives. I want to inspire. But right now I just want to feel a little less discombobulated … right now my head feels jam packed with things I want to do, things I need to do and general worry. I’m trying to establish myself in a new job at a new company in a new industry.
I’ve half done the garden, folded some washing and relocated approximately twelve times the same pile of clothes that are waiting to be hung up. I feel like there are rooms waiting to be cleaned and corners of the house needing to be decluttered but I’m busy doing… not really a whole lot. I’m busy watching reality tv. I’m busy colouring in. I’m busy half writing blog pieces.
At times lately I’ve felt a little bit alone but by the same token I’ve deliberately isolated myself. It’s an awkward lesson to learn at 31 years old, but, you can’t have it both ways… want people to make time for you but make time for nobody else. There’s this misconception that I’m not a huggie, and perhaps that’s morphed into the misconception that I’m some kind of lone wolf, but that’s not true. I get my energy people, catching up and laughing with friends and family is the source of my powers.
BUT… I’m just going to plod along. I can’t force people to clear their calendar and hang out with me, I can’t drag myself out when I’m exhausted. I can’t say yes to everything and can’t expect others to do the same.