My alarm goes off at 6:15am most weekdays, but I don’t get out of bed until 6:30am.There’s something bittersweet about that extra 15 minutes that makes me feel like I’m screwing over life and winning. It’s at this point the day could go anywhere, but for now… it’s right on course.
Another alarm goes off at 7am every day of the week to remind me to take my two Fluoxetine (Prozac) tablets. This my third or fourth stint on Fluoxetine, my first was when I was 17. For me Fluoxetine alone isn’t the answer, it more the tool to help me find the answer. I’ve learnt to not stop taking Fluoxetine simply because I think I feel better. The tablets work in conjunction with my other medication, but like most medication it has it’s side effects … in the past I’ve had a slight tremor although not this time, I often have a dry throat and dry sinuses.
At 7:30am weekdays another reminder goes off, reminding me to pack my gym gear. The gym is one of things my fluoxetine helps me do, the gym is partly the answer.
If it’s a work day, I fire up the Nespresso and make a large black coffee to drink on my way to work. If it’s a non-work day I lounge about in my dressing gown slowly making decisions, slowly getting organised but still making time for that large black coffee. I’m clearly a creature of habit, rewarding myself with 15 minutes lazing in bed and a couple of hours mooching about in my dressing gown. Regardless of how busy I am, without fail these are things I imagine to squeeze in, whether or not I should.
However, it’s not just alarms at the start of the day, there’s a third alarm which goes off at 1pm daily to remind me to eat lunch. Please don’t panic though; I’m not suffering from dementia just a bad case of busy and blind. When I’m really busy or engrossed I become blind to things I should be doing. I can easily forget to eat between breakfast and after work and I will go an entire day with no water. My discrete 1pm alarm is just the gentle reminder I need to keep my body fuelled.
Now don’t freak out. There is a fourth alarm… actually I’m not going to lie there’s a fourth AND fifth alarm. I’m aware I’m starting to sound a tad neurotic but in all honesty if I’m operating on auto pilot or focused on other things there is the chance I will forget. The fourth and fifth alarms are the final ones for the day and are simply to remind me to exercise. The reminders are set for the point in the day when I start to talk myself out of exercising
There no alarms in the evening, but as I prepare for bed I take 310mg Nortriotyline to help me sleep. Sleep is important to me, once I start to lose sleep it all goes down hill… if I’m not asleep, I worry. If I worry at night I find myself getting tangled up in worries, going around and around on an idea unable to sleep and beginning to feel panicked.
I don’t lead a highly medicated existence, I’m not numb because of the medication I take, I’m functioning because of it. My medication for me is merely a tool to help me survive and continue living, but it’s still not something I want to do everyday for the rest of my life.