Mild adventurer. Prolific daydreamer. Always authentic.
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Dear Diary – February Update

Dear Diary,

March is just around the corner. February always catches me out… being just a few days shorter than the other months, as March nears and January is well and truly in the past I’m left looking at my progress to date, some harsh critics and where to from here.  Now is about the time I trip up on “new years resolutions” each and every single year.

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I started out with grand plans for this blog, and grand plans for myself but it’s tough and there are as always hurdles. The reason 2014 – Awesomeness is a yearlong project is I know it’s going to take time and for me, someone who suffers depression and moments of anxiety and panic it’s going to be tough. I’ve still got another 10 months (or more if I need, there is no deadline) to get this right.

Mental health quizzes and bizarre doctors aside, I’m still working through things and finding out what works best for me. Those being critical should understand, harsh criticism isn’t terribly helpful and often there’s nobody I dislike more than myself. But I am trying.

The checklist:

Be more positive – Those who know me best understand I’m not all doom and gloom. Sarcasm and critical whit is just kind of my sense of humour. I’m still working on the positive attitude, but sometimes being negative is easier for me and when I’m not feeling great working on one thing at a time is easier.

Do more for others & Do more for family Doing more for others isn’t about a moment in the spotlight taking a bow. I think I’m doing well enough for now: I sent my Nana flower for valentines, and I’ve started regularly contributing to several charities, offering to do more for friends and family and attempting to raise money for the Cancer Society of New Zealand. There are other things… but I’m keeping that to myself.

Find a hobby or passion – I’m enjoying getting back into my writing, I can’t remember why I gave it up. I’m not setting out to be a literally genius, or write books which are then turned into major motion pictures… although the piles of money could come in handy.

Do more I’ve “cut back” on nana-naps although weeks/months of crappy broken sleep are starting to catch up with me but am doing more … walks in the great outdoors, trips out of town, bike rides and catching up with old friends. It feels good to do a little more; in fact it feels possibly awesome.

In response to NN who didn’t leave a name but did leave a comment – I can’t address you directly or comment on where we know each from because I don’t know who you are. However, If in the past my “anger, jealously and bitterness” has upset you or caused you pain I am extremely sorry and feel sick at the fact I may have hurt you. It’s never my intention to hurt anyone and understand I need to try harder to be nicer, kinder, and more positive. I was bullied a lot a school, so I understand the pain, which is no excuse for hurting other people. Understand that “Gym Dicks” was as a blog piece intended to be humorous and has since been re-written. Perhaps when you noticed I was “angry, jealous or bitter” you could have approached me and asked if I was okay rather than ignoring what you saw and judging me now.

“Danielle, I was sad to see your post about Gym Dicks. I thought this blog was a sign that you had changed since I knew you. I hope your self-help journey will assist you in releasing the anger, jealousy and bitterness that causes you to criticise and judge others. It doesn’t help you, or the world. 

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you find peace.”

Tomorrow is another day, onwards and upwards, and some other clichés. I’ve never been fond of confrontation or criticism; NN’s comments will worry me sick for days and disrupt my sleep for nights but that’s my issue to work through. In the words of Coldplay…

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

                  Coldplay – The Scientist

Reset. Rewind. I’ll start over and try again.

(The post in question – Gym Dicks, has since been removed)

I’ll keep you posted.

Dee
xoxo

Join the discussion

  1. Mickey

    Don’t be too hard on yourself Dee! Can be more this persons issue than a reflection on you. I think you are awesome and I love reading your blog and love being one of the ‘old friends’ you catch up with. Hiding behind an anonymous comment speaks volumes.

  2. Rochelle

    This post is beautiful, this blog is fantastastic, you are inspiring.
    Thank you for being you.

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