Mild adventurer. Prolific daydreamer. Always authentic.

Dear Diary – I Want To Be Like Helen

Dear Diary ,

Everyone stood and said such beautiful things about Helen, everyone gushed about kind she is, how positive she is and of her love for life.

People said time and time again, how caring and kind she is. The theme of  the speeches always came back to her boundless energy and caring nature. It’s clear how everyone views Helen.

It put into perspective for me, what I put out into the world and how that comes back around to me. I’ve been called unkind before, and had people assume I’d certain things about me. I’ve been touted as being mean while others are praised for being lovely. Perhaps I’m just an arsehole.

Would or could I be that “always there” and “happy to help” friend?? How would people speak about me? Perhaps like a bad 90’s movie I could hold a funeral while still alive, just to hear the eulogy, or perhaps I’m better not to know.

Apologies for the lack of noise on The Restless Empire lately, it’s been crazy hectic with weddings and hen’s parties including my own. It’s been weird, with little time to write lately I’ve felt restless and agitated. I’ve had a few sleepless nights and missed days at the gym. It’s okay though.

This weekend was great, I caught up with friends from high school and friends from university as well as friends from my twenties. Sometimes I feel jealous of those people with a tight knit group of friends… sometimes I feel like I’ve missed that, like I’m no-ones close friend, best friend or good friend. I see friends have planned outings and trips but not thought to include me, or have thought but chosen not to.

Friendship span area codes and countries, I have to tell myself that friendships aren’t bound and measured by the number of events you attend or times your picture appears on the photo board.

Friendships aren’t a competition or a battle for inclusion.

Although sometimes it feels a little like it is.