Saturday March 13 was my birthday, I turned 32, but unlike previous years I chose not to celebrate. I’m feeling a little outta sorts and just a tad worn out, the transition into a new job and the change in routine has meant I’ve lost my groove … only temporarily but I need to work on getting it back.
It’s okay, I’ve been here before… and I’ve come out the side.No doubt I’ll be here again, that’s kind the way this works.
I just need to breath deep. Keep it simple, and be kind to me.
Inviting people, organising something and then stressing about whether people would actually want to come just seemed a little a much. I didn’t want worry about whether people would consider my birthday a significant enough event to warrant their time. I played it low key, I’ve invited people before and had numbers so slowly dwindle away… I’ve invited people before and had little interest. I know people are busy and life gets in the way, but sometimes it’s hard for me to see the realty and understanding it’s nothing personal.
I’m just a little bit sad, and for no particular reason… or maybe it’s hundreds of silly little reasons. I can’t tell.
I want to sleep for a week but then can’t seem to sleep at night.
I want to eat constantly or not at all.
I want to be surrounded by people especially great friends, but then again I also want to be alone.
Not wanting to take things personally, I’m trying to maintain a routine and remain on an even keel … bed at a normal time, eating when I should etc etc but it’s a little like treading water or trying desperately to clamber out of quicksand the more I struggle the more I sink.
I could take a deep breath , sigh, and realise that there are many who have things worse and many who have serious problems… but that’s not how this works.
Not alone in feeling like this I have several friends, and friends of friends, and family members of friends who are all fighting their own wee battles at the moment. I write this diary not to be a sad panda or Depressing-Doris, but to cut through a small amount of that always sunny bullshit that social media can often seem jam packed with… I do it highlight that nobody is really alone.