I’m not doing too well at the moment, hence the lack of posts about anything real. I’ve written fluffy stuff and avoid the topic at hand.
I’ve lost my mojo a bit and am feeling a little fragile.
I didn’t want write anything which may sound negative and depressing, nobody is going to want to read a depressing blog… I’m not the Depression Fairy here to spread low self esteem and shitty feelings, I started this blog because I wanted to help people feel better and inspire people to get help and realise that nothing is hopeless and nobody is alone. My initial aim for this blog was to highlight awesomeness, and I feel as though I’ve failed in that respect. I thought I could encourage others to share via my blog and break down some of those walls that surround mental health issues, I naively thought I could turn my blog into a reference point or drop in centre for those looking for help.
I do however, feel like I am sharing valuable insight into some of the feelings depression invokes, and I hereby pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.” I like the idea of this blog being apart of a network of mental health blogs, like A Canvas of the Minds.
Life is a series of swings and roundabouts, highs and lows, ups and downs and I guess lately I’ve felt kind of on the back foot. I’m pretty sure I know why, but knowing why, and knowing what to do are two very different things. Part of the problem for me is change, things are changing and I don’t like it but there’s little I can do about it. I known what I’m currently doing isn’t working, so I know it’s time for a change, I’m re-reading a book at the moment, which highlights one man’s journey with depression, it’s a good book (hence the re-read) but it is raising a few questions for me.
1) Should I be doing more to help myself?
2) How hard is my depression on those around me?
I guess selfishly I’d always assumed my depression was something that I went through, I’m not saying I thought I was the only sufferer … I just hadn’t really thought about the impact my depression has on others. Smiles are apparently contagious, and in a similar way depression can be too, it’s hard to keep your own life on track when you’re worried about someone else. I don’t want my friends or family to feel like this too, which is why this time I’m taking some real steps to help myself.
In the past my proactive approach hasn’t stretched much beyond seeing my doctor, who’s initial response is always to prescribe something. This time I know I need to do more.
I’ve asked for help.