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Dear Diary – July 15th 2014

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Dear Diary,

I’m not doing too well at the moment, hence the lack of posts about anything real. I’ve written fluffy stuff and avoid the topic at hand.

I’ve lost my mojo a bit and am feeling a little fragile.

I didn’t want write anything which may sound negative and depressing, nobody is going to want to read a depressing blog… I’m not the Depression Fairy here to spread low self esteem and shitty feelings, I started this blog because I wanted to help people feel better and inspire people to get help and realise that nothing is hopeless and nobody is alone. My initial aim for this blog was to highlight awesomeness, and I feel as though I’ve failed in that respect.ย I thought I could encourage others to share via my blog and break down some of those walls that surround mental health issues, I naively thought I could turn my blog into a reference point or drop in centre for those looking for help.

I do however, feel like I am sharing valuable insight into some of the feelings depression invokes, and I herebyย pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.โ€ย I like the idea of this blog being apart of a network of mental health blogs, like A Canvas of the Minds.

Life is a series of swings and roundabouts, highs and lows, ups and downs and I guess lately I’ve felt kind of on the back foot. I’m pretty sure I know why, but knowing why, and knowing what to do are two very different things. Part of the problem for me is change, things are changing and I don’t like it but there’s little I can do about it. I known what I’m currently doing isn’t working, so I know it’s time for a change, I’m re-reading a book at the moment, which highlights one man’s journey with depression, it’s a good book (hence the re-read) but it is raising a few questions for me.

1) Should I be doing more to help myself?

2) How hard is my depression on those around me?

I guess selfishly I’d always assumed my depression was something that I went through, I’m not saying I thought I was the only sufferer … I just hadn’t really thought about the impact my depression has on others. Smiles are apparently contagious, and in a similar way depression can be too, it’s hard to keep your own life on track when you’re worried about someone else. I don’t want my friends or family to feel like this too, which is why this time I’m taking some real steps to help myself.

In the past my proactive approach hasn’t stretched much beyond seeing my doctor, who’s initial response is always to prescribe something. This time I know I need to do more.

I’ve asked for help.

Dee
xoxo

Join the discussion

  1. Sarah

    You are brave and I am always a phone call away if you ever need to talk x

  2. Nicola @ Eat Well NZ

    You can evolve your blog into whatever you want ๐Ÿ™‚ And good on you for seeking out more help. Counseling can be so helpful for overcoming depression and helping you reach a better place. I hope you get on top of your depression soon, it’s tough, but there’s a way through. I found this link online a while ago – https://moodgym.anu.edu.au – you might find it useful ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dee

      Thanks so much Nicola, it’s a long battle but I’m confident I will be okay… even just deciding to do something proactive has made me feel better.

      Thanks for pop by and checking out the blog… hope to see you again ๐Ÿ™‚
      Dee

  3. Selina

    Very insightful. Well written. Look forward to the next one… Xx

    • Dee

      Thanks Selina, please pop by and check out the blog again ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Emma Letessier

    Great post Dee! You’re on the right track girl! I spent so long battling with depression until I figured out I had a choice to make. Use this time not to focus on the awesomeness of others, but on the awesomeness that is you! Because you are flippin’ awesome. You’re kind, funny, generous, intelligent (I could go on). But you don’t need to keep hearing this from others, you need to believe it yourself. One of the key messages I keep getting this week is that I need to stop looking for answers outside of myself. Look within if you want to see beauty, look within if you want peace, look within if you want connection. Sending you lots of love and best wishes my friend xxx

    • Dee

      Wow thanks Emma, you’re too kind. Having made the decision to be proactive and do something about I already feel better… asking for help has also lightened the load a little too.

  5. Monica

    I think you are an incredible soul for sharing. This Crazy World & All of us Crazy people are blessed every single time a brave soul like yourself stands up & shows herself naked. Lets people see the reality because so many are playing in pretend land today. Most trying to fit in ( The Jones)! Well, Sweet Lady you have encouraged this sinner full of depression to wanna air ALL my laundry & crud be naked (real) with ya.. Think of it this way I’d happily stay up all night long telling every stain in each garmet I own to see my worst enemy fight for their heart to be free. Words cant touch how much you are appreciated for your openness. You make a difference & proud of you!!

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