I have a love hate relationship with the motivational material, which now litters the Internet. The sarcastic and cynical side of me wants to heave in a rubbish bin after reading the sickly sweet uplifting words, while the youth mentoring, silent cheerleader longing for a legit high-five, side of me mulls them over and takes note.
These two sides of my personality often lock horns, and over the past few years sarcasm and cynicism have definitely won over. It makes me wonder what happened to the girl who once was picked on for smiling too much… where did she go? What happened to her?
I can’t pinpoint the moment where I suddenly became more bitch and bite than anything else but I do regret becoming this way. With only a handful of days left at my job, it dawns on me that a huge number of important people will no longer be an almost daily feature in my life. I don’t have a lot of friends that I regularly see, and feel scared that once I leave I won’t have many friends at all.
BUT… it was important for me to move onto something else work wise, and after stumbling across the below motivationals I feel more comfortable with my decision. It’s true I was happy, and I needed to make a change, so I have. It wasn’t a decision made lightly; I need to evaluate why I wasn’t happy and what I need to do to fix that. I needed to stop holding myself back. I needed to realise that I deserve to be happy and that happiness wasn’t something I needed to earn before I could enjoy it.
All of this goes hand in hand with smooth seas not making a skillful sailor, and failure not being fatal (more motivationals!). I’m embracing motivationals in all their sticky sweet glory. I’m readjusting my focus… and taking heed from the wise words below.
Courage. Tenacity. Determination. Dedication.
I’m picking a new series of words to describe myself. I’m getting rid of lingering negativity, and I’m moving forward (This is starting to sound a lot like a Glee moment…)
Passion. Positivity. Grounded. Happy.
I’ve thought long and hard about what’s actually important to me, and the things I want to ensure I have time for in my life.
I want to have time to write, time for my family, time for me and time to dedicate to other projects. I believe strongly in charity, and doing more for the community I live in…Because what we allow is what will continue, and I believe I could do more.
So as we sneak into October, with only 3months left in 2014, I can say that my 2014 Awesomeness Project has certainly been interesting. I didn’t reach the levels of awesomeness I was imagining, but then again I was measuring myself against what other people believe is awesome. I turned 30, and 3 people came to my party. I tripped up on myself and fell into a dark hole, I ended up seeing a Psychologist, taking more medication and having a week off work. Then, to top it off I resigned from my job without another job lined up. As scary as that sounds, I’m happier now… lighter… excited about life and feeling determined.