Frustration which stemmed from miscommunication, led me to behave rashly last week. Instead of handling things like an adult, I did what I do best… I reacted! I was not willing to back down, I was not going to waiver, come hell or high water I was going to stick to my guns. I realised though after several days, that I would only be ruining something I enjoy, my reaction was really only going to impact on me. Initially I had that cavalier “I’ll show them” attitude, ultimately it was the kind of attitude which is useless if the impact is non-existent.
How often has being hell bent on revenge, or “sticking it” to someone else meant I’ve ruined something I enjoy? ? How often have I got caught up in what other people think, instead of worrying about myself.
I guess by the same token, that “sticking it” to someone else fixation has also motivated me and pushed me further. I’m not going to let other people decided what I am capable of, or not capable of.
Why I am so fixated on what other people think?
Sometimes I can be stroppy, sometimes I’m petty and sometimes I’m just not the “bigger person” not only because I’m a tad on the short side… I’m stubborn and come from a long line of grudge holders.
Is a grudge just a way of using your behaviour to carrel someone else’s, and have them behave a certain way?
Holding a grudge is the ultimate in stubbornness, it’s the ultimate in “sticking it” to someone and hoping to facilitate a change in their behaviour. I’ve held grudges based on hurt feelings and rumour, and I’m sure out there someone is holding a grudge against me. My Nana is currently holding a grudge against her sister and my great-grandmother (My Nana’s mother) also held a grudge against her sister. My great-grandmothers grudge was so intense, her death notice wasn’t published in the newspaper until after her funeral. All in a bid to avoid her sister being present at her funeral.
I’ve let other people’s behaviour determine my mood, and ultimately felt dejected. I’ve let other people’s views sway my own and I’ve stayed silent because I didn’t want to offend. I’ve sought apologies that never came and found myself unable to move forward. I’ve held onto words said and let them fester in my mind.
It’s tricky to do, but I want to focus more on doing things for me and my life rather than worrying about what other people think and feel.
Other people’s thoughts are generally none of my business.