By Tina Gane
I have a lifetime of stories to share, a lifetime of sunshine laughter and happiness, I also have a life that is filled with very painful moments. Times when you fracture into a million pieces and think you’ll never be able to get back up and face the world whole again and yet you do. I have.
I would like to say that it’s possible due to having a supportive strong family, a family that gives as much as they take but I don’t. I have had to be the strength in our family from a very young age, the anchor that keeps the ship from crashing into the rocks even when I needed to be sheltered and held safe. I often wonder how I’ve managed to keep it together when others don’t, and truthfully there are times when I don’t, there are times when I lay down on my bed or stand in the shower and cry until I have nothing left, these days those moments are few and far between. I have learn’t that this isn’t a weakness it’s my way of letting go, of allowing myself a moment of vulnerability and it doesn’t matter if others see it or share it, all that matters is that I let myself go through the process. Don’t be scared to feel, give yourself permission to feel sad or angry, own your emotions, give them a voice and know it’s ok to let them go.
We are our own worst enemy no one is harder on us than ourselves, we see all of our flaws and struggle to see what others see in us. I have lost friendships due to not feeling worthy or feeling insignificant and I still struggle with this. I still struggle with putting me into the hands of others, trust unfortunately is something that still requires time and thought for me. I have fantastic friends, people who love me and when I have doubts I take a moment, just a quiet moment to subdue that little voice inside my head that says “they don’t really like you, they just feel sorry for you, there is no way these amazing people could see you as an equal” I take that moment to reassure myself that the friends I have are incredible, that they are in my life by their choice as well as mine, they see me and I am enough.
My favourite saying concerning people liking you or not liking you is simple ‘some people just don’t like apples’ just because someone doesn’t like you it doesn’t always mean that you’ve done anything wrong they just don’t like apples. You can try to remold yourself, make yourself into something else but at the end of the day does it really matter. one person that would never let you fall without being there to pick you back up out weighs 100 people who just want to see you fall.
Over the many years of struggle I have come to the conclusion, I wouldn’t change anything. I have learn’t to be kind to myself, less scared of consequence, I have learn’t that I have real value in this world. For every time that I have shattered I have put myself back together thankfully not in the same way but into a stronger more resilient woman.
Tina is not normally a writer, and this is the first piece of content she’s shared with The Restless Empire.